An ID Card

I have a card.

There's an old photo of me on it, along
with a very recent notice of renewal.

It says "Schwerbehindert" on it.

It depresses me.

Sort of self-fulfilling.

A Nugget of Brainstuff

Nugget of Brainstuff for today:

Why let what you are not define you,
when there is so much that you are ?

Girls Kissing Girls - The right way and the wrong way

Girls kissing girls.
Kind of a popular topic lately, isn't it ? Lots of song,
lots of talk. Usually, I'd welcome that, being an obvious
proponent of gay right and all the related jazz. But I'm
angry. Why am I angry about all the song and all the
talk, you ask ? Because it's all backwards.

Regarding rights and acceptance, it's become obvious
that western society seems to be marching backwards
hell-bent on wronging some rights. Don't believe me ?
Well, let's have a look at exibit A, a song called
"I kissed a girl"... Not by Katy Perry, but by Jill Sobule,
in 1995.

I like this song. It's happy. It's positive. It's all about
self-discovery and finding the right life, the right person,
regardless of gender conventions. It's about love.
No
overblown drama, no angst, just a happy little bit of
love.

Key phrase: "I kissed a girl, won't change
the world, but I'm so glad I kissed a girl"
See, that's a good one because it sums it all up. It's
no big deal. It won't change society. It's just what
some of us silly humans need to be happy. This is the
right message.


Now, as much as I'd like to avoid it, let's have a look
at exibit B. You know what's coming,  I know
what's coming, let's cut to the chase.

Quite a different affair, isn't it ? Even the video shows
the differences clearly. No playful silliness, no bright
colors. Instead, we get our standard "sinful decadence"
setting and bodies moving seductively in slow motion
while the almost-threatening club beat stomps away.
And what does Miss Perry tell us about it all ? 

No, I don't even know your name It doesn't matter, You're my experimental game Just human nature, It's not what, Good girls do Not how they should behave My head gets so confused Hard to obey

Key phrase: "I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it"

Yep. She even... Actually, scratch that. This is
clearly a designer piece. Marketing. Not the
effort of a musician. So....
They even had the nerve to include that boyfriend
line, just in case that, heaven forbid, somebody actually
thinks that we have a real lesbian on our hands. Eww,
no !  Who'd like a girl who doesn't fuck boys ? We
clearly can't have that.

The implications are clear.
Thirteen years after Jill Sobule got it all damn right,
we're back to looking at lesbian relationships as
nothing more than a forbidden kink. A porn movie
fantasy. "Woah, look at what a naughty, naughty slut
I am, boys".

Way to go, Katy. Way to go, Capitol Records.
I hereby congratulate you for your valiant efforts
in setting both the movements of gay and women's
rights back by at least thirteen years. Your contri-
butions to the ongoing effort of reducing women
to vapid and disposable sex objects have inspired
many.
I'm sure that all the homosexual (and bisexual and
heterosexual, for that matter) women of the world
will be eternally grateful for greedy assholes like you
and your crafty ways of making tons of money by
spreading their sexist and condescending image of
women.

If any of these women happen to be inclined to express
their gratitude with the aid of torches, pitchforks and
possibly baseball bats with huge nails driven through
the top... Would you mind a guy who's just itching
to tag along ?

Somehow Shallow

There is something that has been going through my
head lately and has been dug up and put right on top
of the mental pile by almost losing my friendship with
someone who might prefer not to be named on here
and Crystal's latest blog...

The way I end up picking my friends is terrible.
Mind you, the friends are not, but I keep noticing that
I practically solely dedicate my friendship to gorgeous
people. There is not one ugly person in my little (ex-
clusively online, by the way) circle of friends. What
does that make me ?

A shallow bastard, I suppose.

Now, it's not like I would be friends with a hot airbrain.
I don't think that I could stand that for even a few
minutes. But doesn't that actually make it worse ? 

Isn't it awfully decadent of me to "pick out" an "elite"
group of amazing people ? It's not really a conscious
effort, mind you. But that's where I am drawn and it
is what it ends up being. It just seems that it makes
me a... not very good person, so...

I wonder how to fix it.

Doing Stuff

A random observation on cheese

When baking cheese, there is a very thin line between
"Crispy and delicious" and"dairy equivalent of volcanic rock". 

When microwave ovens are involved, the timeframe that separates the edible from the flash-fossilized dissolves into mere seconds.

Another Part (of me)

Today, I tried to get back in touch with a part of
me that I've been having issues with - My body.
A few years ago, inspired by a friend's blog, I decided
to get into better physical shape... To be what a man
should look like. To be able to look at myself without
disgust.

And, while not overwhelmingly so, it did work. I shed
over 22 pounds and, for the first time in my life, there
was actually a visible effect when I flexed a few of my
muscles.

And what does a guy who is proud of something
do ? Show it to the world, of course. This might come
as a bit of a shock to some of you (assuming that any-
body is left reading this), but I have indeed taken up
photographic self portraits. Of my body. In a word,
nudes. Hopefully "artistic nudes", as the phrase goes.

However, over the course of 2008, I became negligent.
I ate more things that I shouldn't be eating and kept
skipping my workouts. And of course, it showed. So
I grew ashamed and hid from the site that I posted my
nudes on. And I felt miserable about myself every day.

But I decided that I can't keep spiralling down into
obesity. Sure, at the rate I was going, it might take
years.... But it was definitely the direction I was going.
I won't allow it, though. I just cannot lose the only thing
that gives me any right to call myself a man. And believe
me, without a man's body, I am but a boy.

So I am re-adjusting again. Eating better, working out,
being active. And I'm taking photos again. If things keep
getting worse, I still won't be hiding it. There has to be
something that I can do right, and it might be this.

In closing, I'm attaching a link to my non-nude
Deviantart.com gallery. There, I am posting a modified
version of this blog entry, which will contain a link to
my nudes. Because I decided that I have nothing to hide. 

Link: My  Deviantart Gallery (Non-Nude)