Today, I tried to get back in touch with a part of
me that I've been having issues with - My body.
A few years ago, inspired by a friend's blog, I decided
to get into better physical shape... To be what a man
should look like. To be able to look at myself without
disgust.
And, while not overwhelmingly so, it did work. I shed
over 22 pounds and, for the first time in my life, there
was actually a visible effect when I flexed a few of my
muscles.
And what does a guy who is proud of something
do ? Show it to the world, of course. This might come
as a bit of a shock to some of you (assuming that any-
body is left reading this), but I have indeed taken up
photographic self portraits. Of my body. In a word,
nudes.
Hopefully "artistic nudes", as the phrase goes.
However, over the course of 2008, I became negligent.
I ate more things that I shouldn't be eating and kept
skipping my workouts. And of course, it showed. So
I grew ashamed and hid from the site that I posted my
nudes on. And I felt miserable about myself every day.
But I decided that I can't keep spiralling down into
obesity. Sure, at the rate I was going, it might take
years.... But it was definitely the direction I was going.
I won't allow it, though. I just cannot lose the only thing
that gives me any right to call myself a man. And believe
me, without a man's body, I am but a boy.
So I am re-adjusting again. Eating better, working out,
being active. And I'm taking photos again. If things keep
getting worse, I still won't be hiding it. There has to be
something that I can do right, and it might be this.
In closing, I'm attaching a link to my
non-nudeDeviantart.com gallery. There, I am posting a modified
version of this blog entry, which will contain a link to
my nudes. Because I decided that I have nothing to hide.
Link: My Deviantart Gallery (Non-Nude)