I apologize.
I apologize all the time.
At the slightest hint of conflict. Not even just when I
might have done something wrong. When anybody has
done something wrong. Or somebody might feel that
someone has done something wrong. Or when somebody
is inconvenienced at all.
I do it to defuse the conflict. I just can't stand fighting
or disharmony anymore; my skin has worn as thing as
a wet layer of paper tissue. I can't take it. I can't take
anything.
It affects the apologies that are meant to be. The heart-
felt "Sorry. I screwed up and I hurts me that I caused
you pain" ones. I am not entirely sure when I actually
feel that way anymore. It all gets lost in the automatism
of apologizing.
And the punchline is... It doesn't even work.
