Monday, April 14, 2008

Not Well Lately

I'm not feeling great lately. I don't really know
what triggered this, but lately, I've been feeling
quite unhinged. And I can't really talk about it with
any of my friends, because they either have enough
problems of their own, or they are in good spirits
which I really shouldn't ruin.

But hardly anyone ever seems to read this blog,
so I suppose that I can get it out on here.

Where do I start ?  I've got those increasingly
frequent and overwhelming pushes of aggression.
This  chaotic rage and desperation. Sometimes, it's
to the point where I need to scream every few
minutes. I'd do more than scream, but that would
be unreasonable.

I've been slacking off with my fitness workouts.
And to make it worse, I can't stop eating lately.
Maybe that's because my parents keep telling me
that I'm underweight (160 pounds at 6'1 / 73 kg at
1,86m, judge for yourself), but the way I eat lately
isn't healthy at all. I'm losing everything I've been
working the past two years for. I don't want to go
back, but that's where I'm headed.

I rarely really talk to my friends anymore.
I think I'm failing them all. It's like I lost my
ability to help others....
or maybe I never really had any ability like that.
Maybe it's all too complicated for simple advice

I can't find any drive to do anything lately.

Everything seems so futile.

And it is.


Poppy said...

Going from working out and eating healthily to not working out and eating junk will only perpetuate the squirrelly feeling you have in your mind.

Make conscious efforts to work out, eat right, be around people, and smile and you'll eventually turn around. (Fake it till you make it.)

I've felt the aggression before. It sucks, but it passes if you let it.

Creature SH said...

Wow... I didn't actually expect a reply.

I especially didn't expect a reply so soon. I didn't expect it to be from you, either.

And most of all, I didn't expect simple advice that actually has a chance of working.

So thank you very much, I'll try to heed your advice. (Technically, being around people is right out, but I can still try the rest)

Kristina said...

Hi again.

Forgive me for being so direct when I hardly know you, but everything is not futile. I promise.

One foot in front of the other, right? We'll take the first together!

Creature SH said...

Thanks. Good intentions are always appreciated.

Kristina said...

Mach' dir keinen Sorgen. :)

Crys said...

so after these months, are you feeling better?

Creature SH said...

A little, most of the time. I've been slightly busy. That helps.

Thanks for asking !

Crys said...

are you working out? eating well? what's the gig?

Creature SH said...

Trying. Mild success.
(Should've today, but didn't.)

Trying. Very little success. Too much candy in the house. Dang !

Crys said...

it's always the candy, yo.

i'm telling you, you should get whole grain flatbreads and pile them with hummus, tomato and cucumber. to die for.

Creature SH said...

Part of my curse is that the taste of most vegetables - including cucumber and tomato - makes me want to sell my tongue on ebay for 0.01 $ buy it now.