Hello!

I wish all nosy people an unique day!

Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry.

I apologize.

I apologize all the time.
At the slightest hint of conflict. Not even just when I
might have done something wrong. When anybody has
done something wrong. Or somebody might feel that
someone has done something wrong. Or when somebody
is inconvenienced at all. 

I do it to defuse the conflict. I just can't stand fighting
or disharmony anymore; my skin has worn as thing as
a wet layer of paper tissue. I can't take it. I can't take
anything.

It affects the apologies that are meant to be. The heart-
felt "Sorry. I screwed up and I hurts me that I caused
you pain" ones. I am not entirely sure when I actually
feel that way anymore. It all gets lost in the automatism
of apologizing.

And the punchline is... It doesn't even work. 

Somehow Shallow

There is something that has been going through my
head lately and has been dug up and put right on top
of the mental pile by almost losing my friendship with
someone who might prefer not to be named on here
and Crystal's latest blog...

The way I end up picking my friends is terrible.
Mind you, the friends are not, but I keep noticing that
I practically solely dedicate my friendship to gorgeous
people. There is not one ugly person in my little (ex-
clusively online, by the way) circle of friends. What
does that make me ?

A shallow bastard, I suppose.

Now, it's not like I would be friends with a hot airbrain.
I don't think that I could stand that for even a few
minutes. But doesn't that actually make it worse ? 

Isn't it awfully decadent of me to "pick out" an "elite"
group of amazing people ? It's not really a conscious
effort, mind you. But that's where I am drawn and it
is what it ends up being. It just seems that it makes
me a... not very good person, so...

I wonder how to fix it.